When the Silence Is Sacred: What God Showed Me in the Cold
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The moment you realize the one thing you thought you wanted for so long is the very thing God never intended for you… it’s jarring. Heartbreaking. Sobering.
When the silence is sacred, you begin to see that what felt right may have been sent to destroy you.
The enemy doesn’t waste time on silent saints. He comes after those whose voices carry Heaven’s power. Even when we feel insignificant, unseen, or overlooked by this world, God sees us as instrumental to His Kingdom purposes.
And the enemy sees it too.
He knows your story—the Holy Spirit working in you and through you—is a weapon of deliverance. He wants you silenced, distracted, worn down. Because your life? It’s a key. A map. A mirror. A message. Someone else’s freedom is tied to your obedience.
“Lord, I Can’t Take Anymore…”
I’ve prayed those words more times than I can count. Maybe you have too.
“It’s just one thing after another, Lord. What have I done to deserve all this pain?”
It’s easy to focus on the pain. The past. The circumstances.
But what if we started asking, “Lord, what is Your purpose in this pain?”
God never delights in our hurt. But He allows certain trials because He knows we’re strong enough in Him to overcome. He knows our healing will lead to someone else’s.
“To everything there is a season, a time for every purpose under heaven.” — Ecclesiastes 3:1, NKJV
Betrayal, Breakdown, and the Cold
I’ve walked through some things recently that nearly broke me.
I was betrayed by the man I thought was from God—only to find he was sent by the enemy to destroy me from the inside out.
His love was manipulation. His presence was suffocating. When a man shows you who he is believe him.
The discernment finally pierced through.
And I saw the mask slip.
I was left hurt. Broken. Shattered.
I didn’t know if I’d recover.
But God opened my eyes in time, and for that I am thankful.
And then… the attacks increased.
Just as winter’s icy grip settled in, my furnace died.
The lows dropped into the twenties. I was alone in a cold house—no heat, no funds, just space heaters and prayer.
The fear of frozen pipes and collapse was real. But I stood my ground.
“The Lord is my helper; I will not fear. What can man do to me?” — Hebrews 13:6, NKJV
I resolved: This is my home, and I will not run.
I Almost Ran
Now at first, I was ready to run away.
I cried so many tears, wondering, How in the world am I going to fix this?
How will I come up with the money to repair or replace this furnace?
Most of all, I thought, Where am I going to go?
I didn’t want to leave my home. But how could I stay here with no heat?
The questions nearly consumed me.
It felt like just when I had finally made it out of the betrayal… just when I’d broken free from the nightmare of an abusive relationship… here came another blow.
And I asked God, Why? Why now? Why me—when I’ve already endured so much?
That’s when my daughter said to me:
“Mom, you’ve been through so much in your life—and God has never left you. He’s never let you go without. He has always provided and sustained you through it all, and He will bring you through this too. I don’t know how, but I know He will. He always has. He’s not going to leave you now.”
Sometimes, when we’re too weak to speak faith over our own lives, God sends someone to remind us of the truth.
Sometimes we’ve been beaten down so many times that the pressure becomes unbearable…
But then someone speaks a simple, Spirit-filled word—and light breaks through the darkness again.
And we rise.
When the Silence is Sacred: I Chose to Rise Again
No, I still don’t have heat—just space heaters.
No, I don’t have an abundance of money.
But what I do have is a faithful God who has never failed me.
And I know He will take care of me.
He will provide—just like He always has.
I will survive this storm, and I will prevail against the enemy and his schemes to destroy me.
Because I was not born to quit.
And neither were you.
6 Weeks. No Furnace. Still Faithful.
As I write this, it’s been almost six weeks with no working furnace.
The forecast still calls for frigid temps, but I am sustained.
Space heaters. Warm blankets.
And the constant presence of my Father.
It was daunting at first, but now—it’s just another opportunity for God to show Himself faithful.
Friends are helping. Parts are ordered. If the furnace can’t be fixed, I’ll face that mountain too.
I’ve been selling things I no longer need to raise repair money. It’s not enough. But Jehovah Jireh is never late.
He has never left me and He has never let me go without.
He will provide. He always has—and this time will be no different.
I Chose Freedom Over Familiar Pain
As for the man who brought betrayal and pain, I finally told him: Don’t contact me anymore.
Even a cold house is better than warm lies and manipulative abuse.
“He brought me forth also into a large place; He delivered me, because He delighted in me.” — Psalm 18:19, KJV
It took everything in me to break free.
But I did. And I will never regret choosing peace over pain, clarity over confusion, truth over trauma.
From Sexual Trauma to Grief to Glory
I’ve been through fire before.
From childhood sexual trauma… to failed marriages… to deep grief and betrayal.
I survived then.
And I will survive now.
Because I am not standing alone.
Why Am I Telling You This?
Most of my blog posts go up every Saturday.
But this one—I couldn’t wait.
Someone reading this right now is barely holding on.
Someone else is in the trench of spiritual warfare, wondering if God has forgotten them.
He hasn’t.
“I will never leave you nor forsake you.” — Hebrews 13:5, NKJV
Even in the silence, He is moving.
Even in the cold, He is near.
Even when life feels unfair, He is still good.
Don’t give up.
Don’t give in to fear.
You were born to overcome.
And your testimony is not over—it’s still being written.
The One Thing I Know as a Writer for God
From the moment God called me to write for His purpose and plan, my life changed.
Yes, it has been a blessing to write for God…
But the amount of spiritual warfare and chaos that it’s brought has been tremendous.
In the beginning, I thought:
“Lord, what am I doing wrong? What have I done to bring all this on?”
I had already endured more than one woman should ever have to.
Yet the storms kept coming—one after another, without reprieve.
Then God showed me something:
The enemy does not attack where there is nothing to gain.
When you walk in alignment with God’s purpose—no matter how small it may seem—the enemy goes to war. Not just to steal your peace and joy, but to steal your gifting.
To wear you down.
To make you give up.
To attack your health and your identity in Christ.
It is here—in the midst of the battle—that we must stand firm.
You must keep trusting God’s plan.
Keep pressing forward.
Keep writing.
Keep showing up.
Victory belongs to those who do not give up.
Maybe you’re not a writer or a blogger. Maybe you don’t feel “called” in a visible way.
But let me tell you this:
Not everyone’s calling is public. But every calling is powerful.
Sometimes your calling is your family.
Sometimes it’s the person in the checkout line.
Sometimes it’s serving at the local shelter or food bank.
And the higher your calling, the more weight and warfare it will carry.
But don’t let that stop you.
So, Why Do I Keep Showing Up?
Because this is what I was created to do.
Not for applause. Not for platform. But for you—the one quietly scrolling, carrying more than you can say out loud.
I show up with my stories and scars because someone has to go first.
To say what others are afraid to admit.
To remind you: You are not alone.
And if I can keep standing—even in the cold, even through betrayal, even without all the answers—then so can you.
You Are Seen. You Are Loved.
If you need prayer, a listening ear, or just someone to remind you that you matter—I am here. One email or message away.
Despite what life throws at me, I will always obey the assignment:
To speak life. To listen deeply. To be present.
Because I am seen, I am loved, and I am worthy of the peace God died to give me and so are you.
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